Dancing with no grace

new.

Tue, 13 Mar 2007 19:45:55 GMT

new blog. ask me directly for the address. don't give it out.

Fuck you.

Mon, 12 Mar 2007 20:20:25 GMT

That is so fucking low, and you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about.

Let me deal with things MY fucking way. You have YOURS, don't call me stupid, and I just need to do what I have to do. I'm putting MYSELF first, and it's about fucking time.

For those of you who didn't receive an email or random text...

Sat, 10 Mar 2007 04:31:51 GMT

I have 47 days left in the country. I leave April 25th.

This blog WILL allow me to seem sane, rational and quite calm. I am actually still kinda "lalalala" and a little I still feel slightly vulnerable.

I was on the public transit today. In an envelope in my purse, I had 22 bills. One hundred dollar bills. Twenty Two of them. While on a bus.

I felt vulnerable.

But now I am $2172.09 less rich. I still have about.. oh... $800 in my account. I still need to sort out insurance and my shots, but my check from Santos should be coming in fairly soon and that'll be an extra $633, so $1433.... w000t.

I'm giving my notice tomorrow.

I feel so great at the moment.

Fri, 09 Mar 2007 21:28:01 GMT

YAYAYAY.

LMFAO

Tue, 06 Mar 2007 21:21:25 GMT

GAHAHAH.

I'm watching An Awfully Big Adventure... and this chick just lost her virginity (she didn't even know she had to take her knickers off to have sex) and after a short discussion with P.L. O'Hara (played by the SEXY Mr. Rickman) she said to him, "There must be a knack to it... It's very intimate, isn't it?" And he cracked up. My jaw dropped and I was like "WOW SLAP IN THE FACE." A knack to it... gahahhaah.

YAY

Tue, 06 Mar 2007 18:24:30 GMT

BANNOCK!!!

Mmm... so tasty... so worth the mess.

Tue, 06 Mar 2007 15:43:28 GMT

Counting how many Canadian flag things are on my desk... soon to be all over my luggage.

Luggage Tags - 5
Glitter Stickers - 4
Flags - 3
Made in Canada stickers - 88

They might think I'm an American with my insistence of Canadianness. Oh, and I also have Crafter's Acrylic, and I'm gonna paint big leaves on my luggage, too.

And Sarah, Elton John is the Muppet King, right next to Jim Henson, and what do you wanna do tomorrow night? (Besides me, of course. Bown chicka wown wowwwwwwwwwwwwn!)

Aww.

Tue, 06 Mar 2007 15:04:48 GMT

Animal and Beaker were my favourites. I loved them.

Mmmkayy.

Tue, 06 Mar 2007 09:45:18 GMT

I got my mommy to bring in my sick note to work last night. I felt like such uber crap and I just wanted to SLEEP. So I slept from noon till 3 AM. Except for the 30 minute period between talking to Rod on the phone and begging my mom to take my note in for me. I reminded her of those times I ran over to Fabricland with Tylonal, her Debit Card, etc etc etc this summer. Then I told her that if she wanted me to go upstairs and hop around the neighbors costume in a bunny suit while singing the Star Spangled Banner, I'd do it. I just really needed to sleep. I had something else to say, but I can't remember what it is. I discovered I had a splinter in a very sucky way. I was sleeping and it got caught on my blanket. No, it wasn't under my fingernail, it was in my pinky, and I couldn't get it out. so I'm super blue bandage girl... one because I scraped my finger to hell trying to open the Party Room door, one because of the damn splinter, one on my hip because I tried hoisting something heavy with it and something in it cut me... I'm made of awesome. Hmm. I just took off this bandage to have a look at my scrape on my finger... and this is a new bandaid. There shouldn't be pus on it, should there be? Dag. I think I've run outta blood to bleed. I'm gonna decorate my luggage today. With Canadian flags. w00t. I'm bored and cold. The doctor told me I'm always cold because I have (in his words) "A fucked sleep schedual. Shift work is a bitch." He was a cool doctor. And he wrote "regards" as a closing to my sicknote. He walked in while I was walking around the room reading random thingies. I think it suprised him that someone was actually READING them. Which brings me to this... I was reading this thing on eating disorders, but they only focused on the ones that made one lose weight. Over indulgence and self medicating with food is also a disorder, especially if it's the only source of comfort one has. It's WAY common, I admit I eat for comfort, or if I'm bored, but it's not to the extreme. Some people eat to the point where they are in serious danger to losing their life. I would say that's an eating disorder. Lalalala. What else can I ramble about? Well I just stared at the computer screen for about 10 minutes, so I think I'm done rambling for now.

About my last entry

Sun, 04 Mar 2007 11:29:50 GMT

In short, this is more of a "So long, and thanks for all the fish" as opposed to a "fuck you, good riddance." as it has been interpreted.

This actually suprised me.

Sun, 04 Mar 2007 06:32:47 GMT

Courtney and Taylor (and presumably Mack) came in to town this evening, took my mom out to Wal-Mart.
Taylor saw these pyjamas that I'm now wearing and said "Those are SO Aunty Amber's!" and they so are. Flamingo Pyjamas!
Anyway, so my sister has realized that April IS coming up, and it's coming DAMNED SOON. And she apparantly started asking mom about my plans for the next few weeks and she was saying stuff like "Amber and I really need to get together soon... like really soon. We should go out. We should do something." etc. etc. So yeah, that kinda suprised me, cuz I didn't think she'd really miss me that much.
People have more or less stopped saying "YOU CAN'T GO!" and have moved on to "I can't believe you're going... that's intense... how can you do it?? I wouldn't be able to leave my family and friends that long."
And to be honest... due to all the work I've been doing lately, I haven't seen anyone other than Beth in the past long, long while. I feel really disconnected from everyone and it doesn't really bother me to leave... I know that sounds terrible, I know how it sounds, but I don't know how to word it. I feel far away and distant from everyone, and that's not anyone's fault but mine and my coming-addiction to work. It's lonely, and it's frusterating... but I know you all understand. I am not avoiding you, I am not blaming you, or anything of the sort. Actually, I think this will make it a lot easier for me to leave... knowing that I'm not as attached to the people here as I was. I hate saying it but I know it's true. I'm not going to have a HUGE sobbing fest when I say goodbye to my friends, because I know we'll keep in touch (Even if it IS just MSN) and I feel distanced from you all... but as is the course and nature of work and life, eh? It's going to be weird saying goodbye. Especially to my sister, as this is how this huge rant has basically started. We've never been SUPER close, and now she's wanting to spend time with me to get closer, just before I move away. I'd like to see ya'll a bit more, but ... I'm scared of seeing too much of you.

And, as a post script... if anyone is pissed at anyone, I'd really rather not know why, or when, or how, or who, or anything. I'd rather remain ignorant and happy with everyone than leave with a black mark on someone.

DAMN RIGHTS.

Sat, 03 Mar 2007 01:03:13 GMT

You all must be thinking "K Amber, we get it, you're in love, you work a lot, and you're going to Australia. STFU."

WELL SHUT UP YOU HOBO.

:)

*dances in a circle* I was sent home early annnd I'm gonna go for dinner with my mommy. I'm glad I was sent home cuz I wasn't even supposed to work tonight *shrug* YAY. potatoes.

And now, for some song lyrics

Desmond has a barrow in the market place
Molly is the singer in a band
Desmond says to Molly - girl I like your face
And Molly says this as she takes him by the hand.
Obladi oblada life goes on bra
Lala how the life goes on
Obladi Oblada life goes on bra
Lala how the life goes on.
Desmond takes a trolly to the jewellers stores
Buys a twenty carat golden ring
Takes it back to Molly waiting at the door
And as he gives it to her she begins to sing.
Obladi oblada life goes on bra
Lala how the life goes on
Obladi Oblada life goes on bra
Lala how the life goes on.
In a couple of years they have built
A home sweet home
With a couple of kids running in the yard
Of Desmond and Molly Jones.
Happy ever after in the market place
Desmond lets the children lend a hand
Molly stays at home and does her pretty face
And in the evening she's a singer with the band.
Obladi oblada life goes on bra
Lala how the life goes on
Obladi Oblada life goes on bra
Lala how the life goes on.
In a couple of years they have built
A home sweet home
With a couple of kids running in the yard
Of Desmond and Molly Jones.
Happy ever after in the market place
Molly lets the children lend a hand
Desmond stays at home and does his pretty face
And in the evening she's a singer with the band.
Obladi oblada life goes on bra
Lala how the life goes on
Obladi Oblada life goes on bra
Lala how the life goes on.
And if you want some fun - take Obladiblada.

Eeee hhehehe

Fri, 02 Mar 2007 10:47:40 GMT

"I plan on proposing all romantic like when you least expect it, but it's kinda
nice referring to you as my fiancé." - Matthew

*sigh and feels warm and squishy*

Sad.

Fri, 02 Mar 2007 05:46:16 GMT

So many people around me are saying "I don't believe in love" and that just breaks my heart... but I suppose the said could be said for a lot of people with different beliefs... like God... Aliens... Santa... all that good stuff that's so controversial. But love is different, says I. It's something that everyone experiences, whether it be a mother for their child, a child for a pet, a boy for a girl (vice versa and the homosexual versions as wel)... But then they say there's a difference between love and lust, attraction, etcetera and stuff.

I believe in love, more than I ever have.

I'm not as cynical as I used to be.....

Thu, 01 Mar 2007 07:08:09 GMT

But this is still my favourite essay I've ever written.

English B30. Obladiobladaohbloodyhellitslove. Amber Primeau.
January 12, 2006.

Those who have been unfortunate enough to blunder into a hole they could not get out of remember their humiliation and helplessness. Falling in love is like falling into a hole. If you are fortunate enough, the hole called love is shallow enough for you to crawl out of after a while. If it is too deep, hopefully there is something at the bottom to sustain you while waiting to be rescued, if you want to be saved, that is. Sometimes the stupid hole is bottomless and you keep falling and you fall and you fall fall fall fall and no one can help you because you are still falling and someday it is going to hurt when you finally land -splat- breathless and disoriented.
When you fall in love, it is effortless, scary and doubt-filled, and you never know how far you’ll fall or how you’ll survive once you are there. Often nobody will come along to assist you and when things get bad, the only way to get out of the stinkin’ hole is to climb atop the pile of excrement accumulated during the course of your fall.
This isn’t to say all love goes bad. My grandparents slept in separate rooms for as long as I can remember. This doesn’t mean they didn’t love each other, but I cannot remember hearing them openly communicate. The only thing I can recall is my Grandmother once telling G-Pa that his pot belly made him look like he was twenty months pregnant. She said that with love. I was six years old when I heard her say that. Four years later, my G-Pa sat in a crowded hospital room, holding my Grandmother’s hand the night before she died. Without her, G-Pa began to will himself to death: he stopped eating, starved himself into delirium and exchanged his twenty-month-long-term appearance for that of an Ethiopian. He wanted to die and forget everything else, because he had lost the love of his life. I never really saw the love they had until after she died. I think that is when their love really bloomed during my lifetime: when one was gone and could not come back.
Love hurts like hell when it doesn’t last, and as far as I know, it never does.

Dang you people. Stolen from Beth, Alecia, Jerry....

Thu, 01 Mar 2007 06:29:40 GMT

It's late. I'm not tired. Stolen from Alecia

1. Matthew
2. Beth
3. Jerry
4. Alecia
5. Martina
6. James
7. Sue
8. Branson
9. Adam Prokopie
10. Batman
11. Sam
12. Charyl
13. Steph
14. Melissa
15. Jeff
16. Justin
17. Triddy
18. Shannon
19. Mommy?
20. Taylor?!

~How did you meet ..13?:
I met Steph at Wesmor, when I was Turkey and she became Brown Gandalf

~What would you do if you never met ..5?:
If I never met Martina, I probably would not be as insane. I can't remember why, but when I think of Martina, I think of Car Alarms.

~What do you honestly think of ..10?:
Batman is a sezzy AWESOME beast who is really rad and I gave him extra candy and free butter and he tucked me in to bed a week ago or so.

~Would or did ..19 and ..8 go out?:
Mom and Branson?!!?!??! YEAH FORSURE!!!!

~Have you ever had a crush on ..3?:
... Hell no. Just cuz I've kissed him a few times!!!

~If ..1 died tomorrow, what is one thing that you would need him/her to know?:
Matthew, I love you. You are my peanutbutter to my pickle?? (I would want to make him laugh instead of cry before dying.)

~Would ..2 and ..11 make a good couple?:
Beth and Sam?? Let's just... say.. NO.

~Describe ..7 in 3 words:
Sue- Awesomelyfantastic, Superduperlyrad, and DDRdancingqueen

~Do you think ..12 is hot?:
Chlar is SO hat... that's why she's my GIRRRLLLFRIIIEEENDD!!

~Would ..1 and ..17 make a lovely couple?:
MATTHEW AND TRIDDY!?!?!?!? NOOO!!!! *gnashes teeth at Triddy*

~What do you think when you see ..8?:
FLAMINGO!!! Now hug me, jerk.

~Tell me something humiliating about ..11?:
She ate candy off the road once!! SO DID I BUT I WAS BEING MORE DISCRIMIATE!! I ate the candy onTOP of the OTHER candy, I didn't shove GRAVEL in my mouth!!!!!

~Do you know any of ..6's family members?:
I met his little sister and his mother and father... I can recognize his mother in a crowd, but that's about it.

~What's ..20's favorite color?:
PYnK N bLaK!!!11!11 <-- to quote Taylor. *throttles*

~On a scale of 1-10 how cute is ..14?:
Melissa is a perfect 10 ;)

~What would you do if ..4 said they liked you?:
... Alecia, I'm not Derek... Sorry.

~What language does ..19 speak?:
Mommy knows English and a bit of Cree and a bit of French and I've been trying to teach her a bit of sign for a while.

~Who is ..8 going out with?:
Branson is the singular, I do believe.

~Is ..9 a boy or a girl?:
I think he's a girl. I mean she's a boy. WHO KNOWS?!?!?! (I kid, bud.)

~Would ..18 and ..4 make a good couple?:
Alecia and Shannon... um... no.

~What grade is ..17 in?:
He graduated a few years ago with Matt, I believe.

~When was the last time you talked to ..12?:
Yesterday online.

~What is ..3's favorite band?:
I don't think even HE knows.. Nightwish/evanescense/soundtracks/everythingintheworld.

- does 2 have any siblings?:
Bethy has Geordie!!!

~Would you ever date ..6?:
Once upon a time I would have loved to. *honest answer*

~Would you ever date ..7?:
Noope. Sorry Susan.

~Is ..15 single?:
Nope, he's datin' Chlar.

~What is ..20s last name?:
Yamniuk Rowe

~What is ..5's middle name?:
Dangit she's not online and neither is her sister so I can't ask. PRETTY AWESOME MIDDLE NAME EH!??!

~What is ..10's fantasy?:
I know he likes short little brunettes.

~Would ..14 and ..19 make a good couple?:
QUIT TRYING TO HOOK MY MOM UP WITH MY FRIENDS DAMNIT.

~What school does ..16 go to?:
Justin goes to Wesmor... EVIL GREMLIN.

~What school does ..1 go to?:
He doesn't go to schoolio cuz he gradumalated and I LOVE YOU MATTHEW. lawl.

~Where does ..9 live?:
By Riverside.

~Would you make out with ..12?:
Noooooooooooooooo!! I'm sorry GIRLFRIEND but NOOO.

~Are ..5 and ..6 best friends?:
Don't think so.

~Does ..7 like ..20?:
Sue and Taylor totally have the hots for eachother. TAYLOR IS TEN SHUT UP.

~How did you meet ..15?:
I met him at Wesmor in English class and I made fun of him and then I tried to help him and then I remember him saying he got scared so he had to "pull it" meaning masturbate and I was scared of him but I didn't pull anything except for my hair out of my head because that was how I relieved stress at the time man this is a great run on sentence.

~Is ..13 older than you?:
She just turned 20!! A DOLLAR FOR EVERY YEAR!

Wow...

Thu, 01 Mar 2007 06:08:18 GMT

It's March 1st. March freakin' first. I'm going to go to Australia NEXT MONTH. Next freakin' month. Oh my freakin' god.

I'll ... hug Matt and never let go.

Okay!

Mon, 26 Feb 2007 17:09:50 GMT

So's I got myself a new LJ, but I'm savin' it just for sorting things out financially and in my brain and whatnot. You can read it if you want, but make sure to take notice of the title of the journal: THIS IS BORING.

http://ohmissclawdy.livejournal.com/

Matt:

Mon, 26 Feb 2007 05:38:10 GMT

We should get hitched on February 29th, 2008.

I clear my throat, roll a 1, and choke on the twin I was supposed to have

Sun, 25 Feb 2007 07:41:13 GMT

I love you, Matthew. I really, really do. You are so wonderful, and fabulous, and just... amazing. You are my best friend and I know that we go together like peanut butter and pickles - A little strange, but ultimately delicious.

Offically addicted to this song

Sat, 24 Feb 2007 09:09:37 GMT

When we arrive
Sons and daughters
We'll make our homes on the water
We'll build our walls aluminum
We'll fill our mouths with cinnamon now

These currents pull us 'cross the border
Steady your boats
Arms to shoulder
'Till tides have pulled
Our hull aground
Making this cold harbour now home

Take up your arm
Sons and daughters
We will arise from the bunkers
By land, by sea, by dirrigible
We'll leave our tracks untraceable now

When arrive
Sons and daughters
We'll make our lives on the water
We'll build our walls aluminum
We'll fill our mouths with cinnamon

When we arrive
Sons and daughters
We'll make our homes on the water
We'll build our walls aluminum
We'll fill our mouths with cinnamon
(When we arrive sons and daughters
We'll make our homes underwater
When we build our walls of aluminum
We'll fill our mouths with cinnamon)

Here all the bombs fade away
Here all the bombs fade away
Here all the bombs fade away
Here all the bombs fade away

Guess it'll be a nap.

Fri, 23 Feb 2007 07:42:42 GMT

Gurr. I can't sleep, cuz I've only been awake for about... 9 hours, soooooo yeah. Guess I'll be takin' a nap. N Foo isn't online to make time go faster for me. I'll hafta keep readin' Harry Potter. Doo dee doo.

Mmm, and splinters of straw under the nail into the nailbed are fun. So's cutting your forearm on serrated knife type things. And cracking your knee open on a bit of concrete. And burning your hand.

I'M CLUMSY DAMNIT.

Hang me out to dry.

Thu, 22 Feb 2007 00:04:32 GMT

I forgot Alan Rickman's birthday today :(. Jerry is coming over to bake a cake with me. Then we will eat it. It will be good.

Shock me! Shock me!

Wed, 21 Feb 2007 05:24:22 GMT

DO IT!

Anomoynously leave a secret. A shocking secret. Post it anomoynously. I can't spell that word. Lawl. Howie's butt is in my face, but that isn't shocking. That's just gross. And it's not a secret.

And yes, I too will be posting a secret... ANOMOYNOUSLY!

Meeeeew.

Tue, 20 Feb 2007 22:58:04 GMT

I feel decadent.

I just had a nice hot shower, now I'm wandering around my house listening to Johnny B. Good and wearing a blanket and kitty slippers, and sipping wine and nibblin' a block o' cheddar cheese.

I had a BEAUTIFUL sleep last night, I only woke up about 5 times within the fourteen hours I slept... Gorgeous.